girls with asses like mine don't date guys with faces like yours! okay?

...unless of course, your wallet makes up for it, right?

well at least that's what i've noticed.

So I've always thought I had a great ass. Not to start this post with conceit, but really. I do. Lately it's been mucho improved by all the running I've been doing too. So I'm really feeling myself these days. Lol. and the positives of me having an athletic, jessica biel type body was confirmed recently, so I'm very happy about that. but does that give me a right to be mean and demanding and sarcastic and an overall unpleasant woman for a man to try to date? i don't think so.

no, this post is not just about my arse. (however lovely it may be). it really just came about when i was talking to a male friend and he was complaining about how he is too broke to date, how he can't afford the kind of woman he wants. then we started talking about the unfairness of it all for those born with less fortunate looks than the ones people of the opposite sex fawn over. Or ones not able to afford their own Extreme Makeover. it's just unfair to me that a woman has to have absolutely no skill and can still get donald trump. or tiger woods. donald trump and tiger woods had to first become donald trump and tiger woods, or those women wouldn't have taken a second glance at them. and this happens all the time. i could never bring myself to put potential dates through what i have seen my friends and other women put poor fellas through for just one date. just to be seen with them. whew.

the title of this post comes from a line from the movie She's The Man starring amanda bynes. (yes I saw it....twice. No I am not ashamed. Yes, I think channing tatum (her co-star) is hott...yes he is the sole reason I even saw it the second time.) the line cracked me up, but I was thinking about it, and it is so true. Girls with great bodies really DO do have the option of dating almost whomever they want, given opportunity, location, and availability (and sometimes availability doesn't even matter.) Of course, the more attractive of a face you have to go along with the body, the higher your chances of dating someone fine/handsome/rich/successful/buff/famous. this in turn, greatly decreases the chances of a man who is not classically good looking or making a lot of money, to hook up with a beautiful, or even really pretty woman.

I started thinking back to various dialogues my friends and I have had during the course of our dating lives. With all of my friends ranging from fairly to exceptionally attractive, one thing I've noticed is that the more attractive or the better body they have, the longer the list is of 'must-have' qualities a man that they will consider dating has to have. like i said, i've never been one to do this (even with my fabulous ass and all), I've never felt like a man had to have EVERYTHING going on to even think about approaching me. But I know a LOT of women who feel this way. a whole lot.

Their lists, although containing some varieties, often include these basic requirements:

-his own place.(and not of the cardboard box or mama's basement variety)
-a car. And not any car. A nice car, preferably with rims, leather seats, fresh paint job...etc.
-degree (or working on it) OR own his own thriving business.
-no children.(cause that would involve baby mama drama).
-a job (not paying minimum wage).
-medical insurance.
-enough money to buy whatever she feels is his duty to buy her.

i've even seen some list as extreme as 'he has to be wearing more expensive shoes than i am.'

Unfair, right? Well at least I think so. The general consensus of men is that for a woman to qualify to ride 'in the front seat of the Hummer' all she has to do is be flyy. Fine. Pretty. Invoking stares and making all the other saps that aren't walking beside her jealous of him. and being that men have a very broad sense of what fine, pretty, and flyy is, it's not hard to be that. and if she isn't, if she has a great ass...or a great body in general, then she's worthy, hands down. And that's it. For the most part. Everything else they can sorta kinda deal with.

The only reason I say this is unfair is because men actually have to work, and work hard, to attain these things on the Fine Woman's List. Whereas women just have to not ruin what they were naturally given. I mean, in general attractive people get better jobs, have happier lives, have more friends, and the women, well they get richer men.

I remember going out with friends to social functions (i.e. Clubs, parties, step shows, poetry cafes) and out of the four of us, two were very attractive, one was cute, and one was average. 100% of the time, the two considered to be very attractive(my friend and I) were approached by the men who drove up in the nicest cars, were wearing the most expensive watches, and best overall appearance, while the other two got the slightly less attractive guys with the inferior cars and Sear's watches. so basically if a man doesn't look like Brad Pitt or LL Cool J, he basically has to have, at the very least, the basics on this list.

As with anything though, there are exceptions. There are a few ways that men of lesser bank accounts (and even some with no bank account) or lesser looks can do to get around this list. so i thought i'd help some of those poor souls out. lol. I've noticed in most cases that exceptions have been made in such situations as the following:

1.break her off
if a guy has a so-so job, with a so-so face, is nice, and can at least afford enough dates to reach the 'let's have sex' stage, making her call out for the heavens while grabbing her ankles will earn you a 'bf material' label. if a man can't take her out to the finest restaurants, but completely blows her mind with his pelvic thrusting, pick her up and spin her around the room skills, this list gets thrown out the window for the most part. I've even seen extreme cases of women so whipped that they actually were paying the man's rent, child support to his baby's mother (whom he still had in the habit of ankle grabbing), and giving him pocket money. All I can say to that is well, i guess...you've earned it. lol. my friend blogxilla has so creatively named this strategy *dicknotizing* a woman. lol.

2.wow her
a man is talented in the any of the arts, be it writing, theater, singing, acting, painting etc., almost has an automatic in to dating the woman of his choice. This is because women love talent. Women love creativity. To hear a man sing a Brian Mcknight song and actually sound like him, does something to a womans libido, making you instantly more attractive and get-in-her-pants worthy. And we already know what writing a good poem will do for you. Starving artists may be starving for food, but they certainly aren't starving for women.

3.ignore her
I hate to say this, but women like jerks. Maybe they don't like to marry jerks, but there is something attractive about someone who isn't clamoring to get to know you. Especially if you see her on a relatively regular basis. She'll start to wonder, 'why isn't he checking me out?' 'why hasn't he used one of those wack lines on me yet?' 'can he SEE?'...this in turn puts doubt and intrigue in her mind and it becomes a let-me-see-what-i-can-do-today-to-get-attention thing. It truly amazes me, but I've seen it work several times. If a man that otherwise should be drooling, or used to drool over her, is barely noticing her power mini-suit at the office or new belly-ring at the club, she will approach you and ask why the f you're not paying her any attention. Do not stutter. Offer a smile, play it cool, be confident, maybe even a little cocky, and you have a chance. Disclaimer: there are such incidents where she could just say F it and tell you to kick rocks for not noticing her fabulousness, so only try this if you are sure she is going to take serious offense to you not giving her the time of day.

4.be hott
let's say you're a garbage man. not a glamorous or even sanitary job, but hey, it's a job, right? okay. if a man is smart he will take advantage of all those hours of lifting bags filled with soiled diapers and yesterday's leftovers, and purposely lift the heavier ones. it's like lifting weight for 6 hours! then he would hit the gym, get the body tight. keep his hair neat, whether it be braids, locs, or a waves. then he would invest in a good cologne. a man that takes care of himself, even if he can't take care of you, is always attractive. then, he'd pair that with tip # 1, and he'd be good to go! lol.

now stop being saps. go out into the world and date!